What is going on?
About my upcoming training and how it feels like there is something wrong but I cannot tell what exactly.
It has been 2 weeks already again that I came back to Georgia and the weather is really trying its best to make us all think that it is almost summer already. The sun is shining, the wind is blowing in light breezes and the temperatures are rising up to 20 degrees.
Today in the evening our new volunteer Amina will come back from her On-Arrival-Training in Bakuriani and tomorrow all of the other volunteers (including my other flatmate Lola and me) will go to Bakuriani for our Midterm-Training. That also means that Amina will be alone in the flat for 4 days even though she only arrived last Friday and straight went to the training on Saturday...so that is not a lot of time to remember everything, but I think she will manage well and there is still our coordinator, so she will not be completely on her own the whole time.
I am actually not even sure if I am excited to go to the training or not. Of course it is super nice that I get to spend time with lots of people from my On-Arrival-Training again, but somehow I am still not really motivated to go...I did not even write a list of what to pack. That is a weird sign for me, because I normally make packing lists about one week before going or if I am super excited for the trip I sometimes even start the list two weeks before leaving. In general I am a bit confused right now, because in theory when observing my current life situation you could think that everything is fine...and it really is from an objective point of view, but there is still something that brings me down from one moment to the next and I have no idea what it is and how to deal with it. When I talk to someone about it I cannot name my problem, because I just do not know and that makes me go a little bit crazy, but I guess it will be fine soon. We are working on some new projects for the Scout Centre to fill our time and the project season is getting closer, so there will be a lot to do in the next months and we will have lots of new people from different countries around.
Additionally we are planning some weekend trips to different parts of Georgia to see more of the country when it is not that cold like before anymore. It will probably also be nice for me and my flatmates to get used to each other more. As Lola and Amina already knew each other because they met when they were studying in Japan and I have been living with Lola for 3 months it is more for finding our group-dynamics I guess. When Mikio (Lolas and my previous flatmate) left during the night from Friday to Saturday I was kind of sad that he was leaving, but it was okay, because we were still spending time. Now that he is gone it is just different. I could not imagine my ESC here without Mikio around because he was always there since I arrived last September. He always had a bad stereotypical joke about something or someone and they were super dumb but super funny at the same time, just because he liked them so much. Every time we went to the Day Centre together and the kids cheated we had some leftover candies to eat on the way back and we would joke about how weird we must look walking through the streets with a bag of sweets. But he was not always just joking around. When I was sick he made me tea, when there was a barking dog on the street he walked between me and the dog because he knew that I did not like particularly barking dogs anymore since I got bitten by one 2 months ago...and we went to the hospital together to get our vaccination...when he noticed that I could not really concentrate anymore he told me to go rest and have a nap and maybe I would feel better. When the lamp in my room was broken he went to buy a new bulb and fixed my lamp rightaway, when he made cookies Lola and me were always the first ones who were allowed to try them...and they were excellent every time. This fixing stuff was not only for us (Lola and me, because we were his flatmates which I am super glad and happy and grateful about) but for all the volunteers. So I think it will take some time for me to get used to not seeing him every day anymore and having a garantee for a good mood, but it will be fine...and at the end of May he will come back to Georgia for a one-week-project.
Even while writing articles for different blogs and websites (which normally is quite easy for me and I like it), I have to stop from time to time just to think about what else to say and I am sitting in front of the screen for minutes, staring at the letters, deleting something and rewriting half a paragraph. It feels like I am lost without any reason and in one minute I can be super happy again and forget everything. Maybe the training will help me to re-find my focus and have a fresh start on Monday.