Fairy tales taught us that every girl, having matured, will meet her hero. But girls grow up and become heroines themselves: make a career, raise children alone, and demand equal rights with men. The prince is near - no longer a necessity, but still the longing for someone who could become a loved one does not go anywhere. Why is it more difficult to find a loved one if a woman is used to achieving everything herself.
I know it sounds unpopular, but feminism has ruined my love life ineptly. Although, in all fairness, not really feminism: after all, "feminism" never published dating and dating tutorials; but what I saw as a "feminist way of behaving" definitely didn't help me. Not that I would gladly trade the gains of feminism for something else. Believe me, it’s not so! It's just that it would be better if I never tried to apply what I considered "the ideals of feminism" in my personal life. As I and my friends were growing up, feminism seemed amazing to us. For us, feminism meant that we have “freedom” and “choice” in all aspects of our life.
The fact that a man was not a necessary element for self-realization in this life gave us strength. After all, how many of us wanted to follow the path of our mothers - find a man, marry him and have children, and all this before we got the first promotion?
The truth was that each of my single girlfriends in Kazakhstan wanted to get married, but none of us would admit how desperately we wanted to, for fear of appearing weak, or needy, or, God forbid, anti-feminist.
In the meantime, we were praised for making our way through the world so purposefully, but at the same time it was said that our ambition distracted us from looking for husbands. It always sounded like complete nonsense to me. I don't think women are so involved in their careers that they “forget” to think about their personal lives. After all, 90% of the conversations of most young women I know when they have an active personal life, even those seeking to become partners in a law firm or plowing without rest in their residency, involve men.
But what happened in reality: our "full rights" somehow became synonymous with unrealizable standards and contempt for the fact that in real life it is impossible to get everything you want, when you want, and only on our own terms. And this is how many of us gave ourselves the "full right" to lose a good pair.
At first, this may seem like a positive trend: they say, people now marry at a more mature age. But many single young women in Europe that I have spoken to have a different feeling. Maybe this creates a feeling of freedom - to seek our love, if the fact that we will meet with many (and have many opportunities to choose from) before we find the One One is quite expected.
But all these endless acquaintances lead to mental exhaustion and pain, not to mention confusion. Social pressure towards later (but not too late!) Marriages often does us more harm than good.