dazed and confused

It´s friday now even though i´ve totally lost my sense of  time, seconds and hours fly by, I think when the snow will freeze my feet I will just look around, see these falling iceflowers and wonder when autumn left.

I´m too much on my phone, just scrolling through social media, searching for whatever I might find, taking it so for granted. I should go to the forest, do Yoga, read more, do more, but somehow that´s not possible. Maybe, now that I think about it, that´s because I am in the forest or on fields seeing double rainbows and lakes, leafs and raindrops every day, maybe because the scarf growing on my fingertips is knitted daily, maybe because I´m doing enough every day, there is just always time left. There is so so much of it. And then it runs away. I´m so confused with how time exists here. Flowing around, happening, but I´m not able to track it. Maybe that´s Finland. Maybe it´s just how I´m influenced by the people around, maybe they don´t care about time. Maybe our days are not structured enough, even though structure never gave me safety, just made me feel caged. Maybe we stop time to often (it´s never often enough) with moments of pure happiness, laughing from the bottom of our heart. In front of 50 pupils, alone in our kitchen, on the bus, in bed. Maybe I think too much about the past, reminiscing in nostalgia about friends and family back home. I mean, it has been less then two weeks but already feels so much longer and at the same time so much shorter

Or maybe, the days and nights here are just longer, I´m sleeping less and therefore have more time awake thinking.

In school we aged about 80 years in an hour and back in about 5 minutes. If I will look the way I did with six layers of wrinkly, grey makeup on my skin when I´m 91, I´m happy with my aged look. Clara (Clara_in_Finland) looked quite grumpy with her white eyebrows and deep wrinkles, but maybe that was just because I was very generous with the brown eyeshadow on her cheeks. After loosing our loose skin again I and tried to paint and catch the fake sun on my lid in the sunlight but failed. The pictures don´t show the golden tones that well. Maybe, I will be able to do makeup properly by the end of the year here.

Yesterday we organized and cleaned the costume room... There was so much chaos. A huge mess of rainbow coloured clothing. Costumes for frogs and princesses, doctors and weirdos, hippies and office workers. We gave Fred a makeover, he now is styled perfectly for a datenight with whoever might be interested to dance the dance of death with a handsome skeleton like him.

The sun is shining through my window, Clara is waiting, so I will stop here and repair the bikes which are broken again (...never ending story...) or enjoy the warmth outside as long as it is still enjoyable otherwise :)