Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the quarantine is over, but to explain what I mean, I need to go back in time (although I really don't want to).
February. I arrived to another country, packed in 2 suitcases (large and hand luggage) the most necessary things acquired over 28 years. I arrived in someone else's inhospitable apartment and started to live with strangers. Because of the 6 hours time difference my body felt bad, for the same reason I couldn’t talk to my family and friends for the first two weeks (when I became free it was the middle of the night in my city). I had doubts about the correctness of my choice, I just wanted to return to my comfort zone. But then I remembered how much I wanted to get on the ESC project and how difficult it was to find my own project. And I realized that after leaving one comfort zone I need to create a new comfort zone for myself.
March. After I adapted to the new circumstances and started looking forward to the future with optimism March gave us all a big surprise. Now we all know what «to reach the peak and reach a plateau» means. So it was the peak of my despair. It's hard for me to describe what was going on in my head, but if I had been trying to be strong all the previous month, then at that moment I gave up. I allowed myself to be weak and helpless. I felt robbed - my dream was stolen as soon as it became true. I was faced with a difficult choice - to stay in Hungary without any forecasts for the future or go home (in my case it would be a one-way ticket without the possibility to return for many reasons). I chose ESC and (spoiler) it was the right choice. As it turned out, we are much stronger than we thought, we have learned to live in circumstances that we have met with fear and panic. Now I can say that getting out of the mental crisis of those months is my greatest achievement here on the ESC project at the moment. I'm really proud of the work I've done on myself.
April. I still felt uncomfortable in the queue of people at the supermarket, but I «have reached a plateau». We worked from home and I realized that another dream of mine has come true (I've always wanted to try a home office and test myself and I can say I successfully managed my time and I really was productive). The weather was great, walking and going to parks were not forbidden (I think we were really lucky here, because the fresh air drove away negative thoughts). I've been waking up without an alarm clock for more than two months and I have to admit that this fact takes life to a new level! I really got a taste of this lifestyle :)
May. Hungary lifted restrictions in the countryside on May 4 and it felt strange. I mean it was like yesterday the streets were empty, but today the open terraces of cafes and bars are full of people and it looked like nobody cared anymore (the magic rain passed and deleted everyone's memory). I realized that we would be back in the office soon, and what I had been waiting for was no longer so welcome, because those months of self-isolation had changed me (or rather they brought me back to me). I’m no longer a proponent of the current of imposition friendship and tolerance, but I’m still an adept of directness and honesty (it turns out that these things can't exist together in an ideal world). Perhaps this is the effect of self-isolation that psychologists have been talking about - people will experience problems with socialization, but I have always had them, so I tend to believe that I‘m a Siberian little wolf. And wolves can't live in the land of pink clouds and unicorns :)
So, I think it's time to move on to the lessons I learned during my period of self-isolation.
1) You can handle it. But the first person you should ask for help is you, because your power is born in your head.
2) You can adapt to the most unexpected situations.
3) Be yourself. Don't try to be good for everyone. Everyone has their own truth and you have a right for your own. The position of the weak is more profitable, but you will not forgive yourself for weakness.
4) Don't doubt yourself or your position if you know you are right. And don't let someone make you doubt yourself.
5) Find your source of inspiration. If your passion is the road, but you can't travel by public transport, you can walk or use a bicycle.
And I want to thank quarantine not only for making me stronger, but also for reminding me who I am. I like one Russian song which has these words: Не стоит прогибаться под изменчивый мир, пусть лучше он прогнется под нас//It is not necessary to cave in under the changeable world, better let it cave in under us. With this phrase I want to sum up the first four months on the project.