My tiny hamlet

“You are crazy” I heard again and again. I was very nervous days before leaving. Vihti, "My tiny hamlet", as I used to call it, was waiting for me. Barajas airport: “last call to the hysterical girl who is eating muesli chocolate bars close to the emergency main exit, coming from the flight 3, 2, 1…stop silly thoughts and get your flight right now”. 

”You have to work”, an abrupt voice woke me up suddenly. My huge window showed me the views of abundant forest surroundings. My curtain, if it is deserved to be called like this, was made with a transparent cloth quite shorter than the length of the window. In countless times I couldn´t stop thinking “Are there people living here?”. I hope they will come out from their hiding place. Maybe when the sun will shine on, soon, very soon, at least is what people said. Fear was the right word when you see a brown, lonely, cold, and isolated scene. Fear is what you experience when you face the unknown. Fear is just a defense mechanism when you don't feel ready in a new situation. The fear is insecurity and indecision. We build the fear ourselves, we are the only ones who can face it. 

I like to breathe the air with nobody who could steal it. We should know how to enjoy the loneliness making of it an own issue. I like to be alone, as long as I'm in the right place. Which one makes me feel out of any kind of prejudice and expectation. Which makes me look at ahead, not delaying my steps. Which loves me making me behave without fears, far away from the failure and defeat. Where I can find people to share these experiences with. Above and beyond that, the nights' pass and the jerseys leave. Winter ends finally.

After two months I analyzed myself during my long daily walks with these little-big people. They give love without expecting anything back. I thought I was there to teach them, but it was the opposite. In these walks, I took off any kind of mask to be sincere with myself. These streets have seen me crying when I thought it was impossible to get adapt there. However, the brown and somber landscape became a green and blooming scene. Singing aloud while my headphones impeded to listen to my disastrous performances, it was my way to show my happiness to the world. It wasn't a gift to nature, but I felt free.

Although the sun didn't shine, the light was always with us. Twenty hours of light per day bring just good things. “Complaining it is just a vice matter, enjoying it is our thing”, at least it is what two girls said a summer day wearing a coat, between hard laughs such a scream attacks. Leaving back the morning songs from the elegant northern birds in exchange for the shrill sound from the jams, hurries, and horns; missing my lovely loneliness which one has wet my bedsheets with my tears, but it has tamed my soul as well. Cries, weeps, and goodbyes, is it already the end? A simple “thanks” is not enough. I left a part of me here, but I will never unpack my luggage. It will guide my way and my destiny.

“Strange feeling when you don't belong anywhere when you don't wanna go back, but you're not sure you wanna stay. My place is the whole world, without these tedious “moral“ walls to create our identity related with a piece of land. From culture to culture, laughing out loud even through the face pores. That´s beautiful, right? I'm here today where I want to be, but what about tomorrow? As Bill Muray would be replied in “Groundhog Dayaka”: “What if there is no tomorrow? Today there hasn't been”.