So I feel guilty
The feeling of not belonging here is not temporary. And it drives me mad.
Somehow I do not feel the spirit, the magic in the air here. Instead, I want to run, to get into the next train when I think about spending such a long time in this small town with the same routine everyday. Hobbies? A nice try to calm my feelings for one hour. Talking about my feelings helps a little bit, but it quickly fades away, too.
What is better than to spend one year abroad without having to worry about anything? I don't know.
Anyways, I have tried so many times to tell myself that it is great here. It is a lie.
There are so places in the world, so many different fields of work in this world. The chances to choose something that is not quite right for you are relatively high, aren't they? Maybe I should not feel guilty for this. Maybe, three months of feeling uncomfortable is enough. Maybe, I should move on, be honest to myself and learn from my experience. I should be thankful. I am. I have learnt so much already. But, I cannot imagine to live here. And somehow, this makes me feel very guilty...
Kommentare