One Month Left
- random thoughts on leaving -
And suddenly everything contains of One-Last-Times.
One last family dinner with all my relatives.
One last meet-up with my best friends.
One last time seeing old pals from school.
One last festival with bands I've never heard of before and people I only know because we listen to the same music.
One last visit to friends from far away.
All at once everything seems so much more important and missing out is just not an option anymore.
I know this feeling all too well, it's not the first time I leave my hometown behind to see the world.
When I was 15 I went on a student exchange to escape the tristesse of the small village I live in, to finally see something new, get to know people that haven't been part of my life since I was born and never left the tiny world they are living in.
But this time it's different. When I first left, I knew that I would come back to something. I knew that nothing would really change. Now everything is already changing. All consistencies of my life are already fading. School is over forever and there are so many people I probably won't ever see again. I quit my job at the local theatre and probably won't ever have the chance to visit as many plays as I like without paying attention to the costs again. Many of my friends already started their new lives, going to work, moving to another city, living in their first own apartement. Meanwhile, I spend most of my days convincing myself to study Spanish and creating Goodbye-Playlists on Spotify. Maybe I'm taking the end of my time here harder than the others, maybe it's the uncertainty of what lies ahead of me.On the other hand this is excatly what I want to do: Throw myself into the uncertainty of life, new places, new people, new language, new everything.
I dreamed of seeing the world since I was thirteen and stumbled upon this book about a young girl dropping out of school and moving to London to live her dream of becoming a musician. She didn't care for safety insurances, she embraced not having them. I always admired that. And now it's my time to throw all worries away and just do what I always wanted.
It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.
So here I am, trying to fill my days with as many good memories possible, aware that this time I'm not only leaving a place but a part of my life behind.